


Dude, Seriously?

by kho



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Supernatural
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:51:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I just... I had to cross my two current fandoms.  Had to.  One off, won't be a continuation.  I did it for the LULZ, no spoilers for either show.</p><p>  <i>“Stupid bitch, thought you got away from me, huh,” says a blur in a brown jacket wielding a machete, he darts across the field, takes a flying leap at the woman-fang-whatsit, and cuts its head off.</i></p><p>  <i>Cuts its head off.</i></p><p>  <i>Cuts its head clean off.</i></p><p>  <i>Danny blinks. “Uh.”</i></p><p>  <i>Steve coughs. “What?”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude, Seriously?

Danny blinked. “What?”

Steve frowned and blinked as well. “Uh.”

“She uh. It uh.” Danny cleared his throat, his gun still poised. “I mean. I pulled the trigger right? That’s a bullet hole in her head, right?”

“I mean. I think so?” Steve shifted forward slightly, eyes trained on the woman-thing-with-fucking-fangs, as she whirled in their direction. “So maybe we… do it again?”

Danny and Steve both pull the triggers in tandem, both right between her eyes.

She laughs.

Danny blinks again. “What?”

Steve clears his throat. “Uh.”

“Stupid bitch, thought you got away from me, huh,” says a blur in a brown jacket wielding a machete, he darts across the field, takes a flying leap at the woman-fang-whatsit, and cuts its head off.

Cuts its head off.

Cuts its head clean _off_.

Danny blinks. “Uh.”

Steve coughs. “What?”

The man, with green eyes and a beautific smile, grins at them and whirls the machete around all fancy like. “Usually don’t have an audience for that, but couldn’t let her get away again.” He shrugs, tips an invisible hat, and flashes a blinding grin. “Officers,” he says and turns to leave.

“Hold it right there,” Steve yells, finger pulsing on the trigger just slightly. “Freeze.”

“What that a….” Danny clears his throat and lowers his gun just slightly to look at Steve. “Did she have…”

“Yeah, dude, vampire,” the guys says, laughing. “Nasty sons of bitches too.”

“Hey,” Steve yells as the guy starts forward with his empty hand outstretched. “Hands! Up! Freeze!”

Guy raises his hands and his smile fades. “Hey uh. No offence or nothing but, a guy saves your life could I maybe get a thanks instead of a freeze?”

Danny walks forward slightly. “Drop your weapon.”

Guy arches an eyebrow. “Dude, seriously? You saw the fangs right?”

“What I saw was you decapitate a woman right in front of us,” Steve yells, “now drop the weapon!”

Guy drops it on the ground and shrugs, keeping his hands up. “Okay, suit yourself. Her heads right there, go check out her teeth.”

Danny steps forward and kicks the head right side up. “Steve, the fucking hell.”

Steve steps forward, gun still trained on the guy. “Don’t fucking move,” he says, and then reaches down and picks up the head, staring at fangs four inches from his face. “No.”

“Yes, dude,” the guy says. “Look this will all go so much smoother if you just pick your jaw up off the floor and accept the cold hard truth that vamps are real, and I saved your asses, by the way, you’re welcome.”

Danny starts patting the guy down, tossing out guns, knives, a wallet, salt, gum, a cross, a flask, a vial of water, and garlic. “Got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Who are you,” Steve growls, dropping the head and training the gun back on the guys face. “What’s your name, what are you doing here?”

“Dean Winchester,” the guy-- Dean-- says. “Hunter. And there’s another one behind you, so you know.”

Danny shouts Steve’s name and they both train their guns on the guy hissing and cursing at them, fangs yellow and disgusting.   Steve shoots him between the eyes. Danny shoots him in the leg. Steve shoots him in the heart. Danny shoots him in the dick.

“Amateurs,” the guy-fang-freak says, and looks past them at Dean. “Winchester.”

“Fugly bastard.”

Steve shoots him in the head again. Three times. And then a fourth.

Danny shoots him in the dick again and then shrugs, lowering his gun.

“What’s with you and shooting them in the junk,” Dean asks, pointing to the left.   “Can I grab my shit now?”

“Woah,” Steve says, holding up a hand while still looking at the guy-fang-fucker. “Yu’re under arrest Dean Winchester, book him Danny.”

“Steve.”

“Book’em Danno.”

“Steven.”

“Danny! Book. Him.”

“No, Steve, fuck, are you fucking…” Danny storms over to Steve and gestures violently towards the guy that’s been shot at least ten times and is only laughing at them. “Are you kidding me here?”

“Danny!”

“Don’t Danny me, that dude has _fangs_ and that chick, while hot, she had fangs too, and man, I don’t know about you, but fangs?”

“Danny vampires aren’t real and that psychopath--”

“Saved our asses!”

“Just decapitated her in front of us!”

“Whilst saving our asses!”

“Machete, Danny! To her neck! Cut her head clean off!”

“Which _saved our asses, Steven!”_

Meanwhile, Dean has gathered his machete and made his way to the vampire, who is wholly distracted by Danny and Steve’s loud bickering.

The head falls with a thunk and rolls into Steve’s boot.

Dean grins again. “Welcome. Again,” he says, wagging his eyebrows.

Steve lowers his gun when Danny pushes down on his hand. “Seriously?”

Dean nods. “Vampires are real, dude.”

Steve blinks and looks at Danny. “Danny, is this real life?”

Danny waves his hands expansively. “Honest to god Steve, I have no idea how to answer that, but if it is,” he says, turning to Dean. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, I like this one,” Dean says, walking forward and hugging Danny quickly, pounding him hard on the back. “You, you’re a bit gruff,” he says, pointing at Steve.

“SEAL,” Danny answers.

“Ah,” Dean says, nodding and backing up, pointing behind him. “Okay well there’s a whole nest up on Waimea if ya’ll wanna grab some machetes and help out?” 

Steve looks at Danny. “Did he really just ask if we wanted to help him decapitate people in Waimea?”

“Decapitate _vampires_ in Waimea,” Dean says, pouting at him. “Come on, get with the program man.” He looks at Danny. “He usually this slow on the uptake?”

Danny shrugs and turns to face Steve. “Well, if this isn’t real life, then it doesn’t count cause it didn’t happen, and if it is? Then we killed some vampire ass, right?”

Steve blinks at Danny, looks at Dean, looks at the machete in his head, the two heads and the two bodies, and nods.

“Waimea you said?”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr here under [@lovethesnark](http://lovethesnark.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Fanfiction Website  
> MOST of my fic is not on AO3, though all of my H5O and beyond is as AO3 didn't exist yet and it was too much to archive. It can be found on my website at [LoveTheSnark.com](http://www.lovethesnark.com).


End file.
